Yes, even we clergy can have crises of faith.  There are times, perhaps more than I would like to admit, that I doubt that there is an eternal loving Creator who has my best interest in mind.  I learned a long time ago in my faith journey that contrary to what I was taught as a young girl, God did not control my life nor did parent Creator micro manage it.  Nor did God desire to do either.  I found just the opposite!  The beautiful rhythm of relationship between Creator and creation and freedom to walk in that unique creation is the freedom with which we are given.

I was up at Look Rock Tower last week seeking renewal and refreshment after a very long but productive week.  I was waiting for the sun to burn off the haze of an early morning fog that had laced the mountain range. I noticed a wind had whipped up that swayed the trees and the already dense fog turned ominously darker and the temperatures dropped as will happen right before a storm.  My heart skipped a beat as I knew that I was at the “top of the world” looking 360 degrees from North Carolina to Maryville around to Knoxville over to Townsend and back to North Carolina.

So, here we are one year almost to the month when I was accepted for the Covenant Health Marathon Biggest Winner 2013 team.  I am still overwhelmed and privileged to have been part of such a great group of folks, coaches and manager.

As I write this post, I ponder where I was last year, where I am this year AND where I was four years ago in October 2009 weighing over 400 pounds.  The best way to put this past year into perspective especially the past few months is to make a list of the high lights.

     It has been a year since the advertisement to apply for Biggest Winner 2013 came to my attention. Long story short, I dared to apply. They dared to accept my application. Oy gevalt!  What were any of us thinking?  I have struggled with a lot of regrets since the 2013 CHKM that I did not work the Biggest Winner Challenge like I had wanted, intended, or expected too.  One of the goals stated in my Biggest Winner 2013 Challenge application was that I wanted to run.

July 16, 2013

I awoke early, too early, I thought.  3:39 AM to be exact.  My head and shoulders wracked with pain from a neck injury I incurred this past January.  Not being one for conventional chemical intervention, i.e. an aspirin or other pain relievers of the kind, I knew that if I could lay on the grass, the pain would be absorbed into the earth.  Did you know that the earth has a beat, like a heart beat?

As I lay on the cool grass just before the dew, I heard an old hoot owl.

Hiking, gym, cooking, gardening, writing, dogs, new floors, more hiking, more gym, gaining momentum and energy, strength and endurance.  It has been three months since the CHM 2013 and I feel as if I am just now getting used to not seeing the BWCT 2013 team, manager, and coaches.  For weeks after the team disbanded I felt disconnected.  I felt like something big just happened in my life and I let it slip through my fingers. 

I found myself regretting a lot about those five months.