Recently I spoke with a friend of mine who is
experiencing intense grief due to a
tragic loss of a beloved. I too
have had many losses this year. More than
most people experience in a life time let alone a year., so I have been told. My losses may not be as
great as my friend’s loss, but I am finding that grief can be a relative term. In talking about ways to cope with grief
through distractions, the thought came to me that we never lose that
grief. I used to think that when that horrible
tearing pain of grief ended I would be able to move forward.
In 2010, I had hit the track before dawn to walk off my already
anxious day. The full moon hung like a rare
pearl nestled in the gray velvet folds of the night sky. I asked Abba to please give me a sign of hope
that I would get through this very difficult time in my life. As I started my third and final mile of my
daily walk, I noticed the atmosphere grew darker and the temperature drop a few
degrees as it always does before the dawning of each new day.
I waited in great anticipation for the first chirp of the morning
which would lead to a second note of awakening which would bring on a glorious
symphony of song much like Handel's Messiah, heralding in a new day with new
It is a
universal truth that mourning lasts but for the evening and that joy comes in
the morning. Upon the dawning of a new
day when our Creator paints those wide swatches of salmon pink upon the gray
canvas of the dawn sky that those new mercies are created. They are mercies not left over from a day
that is gone, nor are they mercies borrowed from a day that has not yet been
created nor promised. Those new
mercies are made uniquely for the new day that has been created. They are mercies that are there for the
taking and are as unique to us as individuals as our
Here is the
thing about this thing called love. It
can be thrilling, it can be tantalizing, it can be tenacious and sometimes it
can be exhausting. But the thing about
love is that it can’t ever be forgotten.
What love people give to others great or small is sacred. Whether together or a thousand miles apart or
on another realm, love cannot be destroyed, the bond is eternal.
Love can be
wounded. Pictures can be deleted. The physical presence can be gone. A computer reset and love letters
I got so tickled this morning when I was mall walking for our Saturday morning trainings with the Knoxville Track Club for the CHKM 2014. It was raining cats and dogs and at the last minute I decided I would go to the gym instead. It had been a bitterly cold week and I was wanting a bit of a break from the elements. I got a call from one of the coaches and she said the gals were going to mall walk. So, I decided to join them.
Now, I had been having a lot of trouble walking the past month or so.
Hiking, gym, cooking, gardening, writing, dogs, new floors, more hiking, more gym, gaining momentum and energy, strength and endurance. It has been three months since the CHM 2013 and I feel as if I am just now getting used to not seeing the BWCT 2013 team, manager, and coaches. For weeks after the team disbanded I felt disconnected. I felt like something big just happened in my life and I let it slip through my fingers.
I found myself regretting a lot about those five months.
In one scene of the cult classic Harold and Maude, older seasoned Maude played by Ruth Gordon advises the young Harold that (my paraphrase) "you gotta go with gusto in this life". In my minds eye I can still see the wizen character with a twinkle in her eye and fist clenched in determination trying to encourage this young man to take this old world by the tail and give it all you've got.
This brings me to my bucket box. A few years ago the movie The Bucket List became popular.
Change is not easy. Nor does change have to be a burden. It can be as difficult or as easy as I perceive it. I was taking a CrossFit class yesterday and the instructor whom I had known for a few years noticed how much I had changed. She remembered me three years ago when I was 400 pounds plus and she has watched my journey.
She asked if it had been hard. I only smiled as I know that the hardest thing when I decided to change was changing my mindset. I had to care about myself enough to want to change.
OK-so. To be honest with you, I didn't think I had much to say. I hadn't planned on a year end blog and thought I would let the New Year ring in by itself. HOWEVER, we on the Biggest Winner Marathon Team 2013 weregently encouragedto update our blogs.
I woke up this morning with two sick dogs, a mouse in the house who at least is no longer in the pantry and one lone roach left from a Christmas gift that had been given a few weeks ago. Did I mention that the washing machine has chosen not to work this morning?
My debut on Missy Kane's Fit and Fun Show aired this morning. As I watched I was reminded of my first day that I was to meet the team of Biggest Winner 2013. We had to fast for a base line blood test. I had a restless night and woke up around 3AM with a splitting headache and equally upset tummy. I was scared, excited and not really sure what I had gotten myself into. The only thing I knew to do was draw a tub of the hottest water I could stand and try to relax.