Recently I spoke with a friend of mine who is
experiencing intense grief due to a
tragic loss of a beloved. I too
have had many losses this year. More than
most people experience in a life time let alone a year., so I have been told. My losses may not be as
great as my friend’s loss, but I am finding that grief can be a relative term. In talking about ways to cope with grief
through distractions, the thought came to me that we never lose that
grief. I used to think that when that horrible
tearing pain of grief ended I would be able to move forward.
In 2010, I had hit the track before dawn to walk off my already
anxious day. The full moon hung like a rare
pearl nestled in the gray velvet folds of the night sky. I asked Abba to please give me a sign of hope
that I would get through this very difficult time in my life. As I started my third and final mile of my
daily walk, I noticed the atmosphere grew darker and the temperature drop a few
degrees as it always does before the dawning of each new day.
I waited in great anticipation for the first chirp of the morning
which would lead to a second note of awakening which would bring on a glorious
symphony of song much like Handel's Messiah, heralding in a new day with new
Let’s get this out on the table at the beginning of
LIFE SUCKS! (sometimes)
am not going to sugar coat that fact nor is it necessary to do so. Life is not fair, nor is life just. I don’t why we presume it will be. Once I accepted that truth, it has made it
easier for me to not have unrealistic expectations of people, places or things.
Life can be very, very difficult. Life can become unbearable and unmanageable. People can hurt and disappoint.
Yes, even we
clergy can have crises of faith. There
are times, perhaps more than I would like to admit, that I doubt that there is
an eternal loving Creator who has my best interest in mind. I learned a long time ago in my faith journey
that contrary to what I was taught as a young girl, God did not control my life
nor did parent Creator micro manage it. Nor
did God desire to do either. I found
just the opposite! The beautiful rhythm
of relationship between Creator and creation and freedom to walk in that unique
creation is the freedom with which we are given.
I was up at
Look Rock Tower last week seeking renewal and refreshment after a very long but
productive week. I was waiting for the
sun to burn off the haze of an early morning fog that had laced the mountain
I noticed a
wind had whipped up that swayed the trees and the already dense fog turned ominously
darker and the temperatures dropped as will happen right before a storm. My heart skipped a beat as I knew that I was
at the “top of the world” looking 360 degrees from North Carolina to Maryville
around to Knoxville over to Townsend and back to North Carolina.
Here is the
thing about this thing called love. It
can be thrilling, it can be tantalizing, it can be tenacious and sometimes it
can be exhausting. But the thing about
love is that it can’t ever be forgotten.
What love people give to others great or small is sacred. Whether together or a thousand miles apart or
on another realm, love cannot be destroyed, the bond is eternal.
Love can be
wounded. Pictures can be deleted. The physical presence can be gone. A computer reset and love letters
I got so tickled this morning when I was mall walking for our Saturday morning trainings with the Knoxville Track Club for the CHKM 2014. It was raining cats and dogs and at the last minute I decided I would go to the gym instead. It had been a bitterly cold week and I was wanting a bit of a break from the elements. I got a call from one of the coaches and she said the gals were going to mall walk. So, I decided to join them.
Now, I had been having a lot of trouble walking the past month or so.
I have had the most delightful nine months following the pregnancy and birth of a first child to a woman and her husband whom I met a year ago whose father delivered one of my own children. There was never a child more wanted than this little one who entered the world this morning. There are enough people who have witnessed and waited for this arrival as if she was their own. This is the beginning of a new family with hopes and dreams of their own not only for this child but for their own family unit.
So, here we are one year almost to the month when I was accepted for the Covenant Health Marathon Biggest Winner 2013 team. I am still overwhelmed and privileged to have been part of such a great group of folks, coaches and manager.
As I write this post, I ponder where I was last year, where I am this year AND where I was four years ago in October 2009 weighing over 400 pounds. The best way to put this past year into perspective especially the past few months is to make a list of the high lights.
It has been a year since the
advertisement to apply for Biggest Winner 2013 came to my attention. Long story
short, I dared to apply. They dared to
accept my application. Oy gevalt! What were any of us thinking? I have struggled with a lot of regrets since
the 2013 CHKM that I did not work the Biggest Winner Challenge like I had wanted,
intended, or expected too. One of the
goals stated in my Biggest Winner 2013 Challenge application was that I wanted to