Hiking, gym, cooking, gardening, writing, dogs, new floors, more hiking, more gym, gaining momentum and energy, strength and endurance. It has been three months since the CHM 2013 and I feel as if I am just now getting used to not seeing the BWCT 2013 team, manager, and coaches. For weeks after the team disbanded I felt disconnected. I felt like something big just happened in my life and I let it slip through my fingers.
I found myself regretting a lot about those five months. If only I was the person then that I am now. If only I had worked harder and cried less. If only, if only, if only, if only..... Then one of those proverbial "What light through yonder window breaks" moments happened. I would not be the person I am today had I not been on that team with those people at that moment in my life. Had I not struggled through some very dark moments and crossed that finish line (eventually) I would not be as well, content, strong and vibrant as I am today.
I fill my day's with just "doing life". I start the day at the gym-early-with music or meditation. While I am finishing up, I read The Wall Street Journal, The Huffington Post, The Boston Globe and The Washington Post on my phone. I go home, clean up and start the day. Seems dull and boring. It is a rhythm of life that I am following at this point in time. I am part of a duet at the fellowship I attend. When I lift my voice to sing, I get lost in the moment never wanting to forget the decades I spent not being able or wanting to listen to music let alone sing.
Everyday is different. I awake wondering what the day is going to hold and be open to anything that may come. I see my hospice patients as they need me. On those moments when I feel the slightest angst at not had made something of myself, I have to remember where I came from. I have to remember that I no longer live behind a veil of tears. I have stepped into the marvelous light that sometimes blinds me with its' brightness. I am loved and I can give love. I am aware of life. Those wonderful moments of going home to my beloved mountains hiking in my zone only to find myself singing with birds and the breeze that rushes through the trees. Those moments I know that I will live forever. I wonder if that what it means by being changed from glory to glory.
This week when I went home, I made a comment that if I came up MIA, it is because I found the portal to my bliss. Perhaps I am walking that divine path that was intended. This is a good thing. The future is mine for the taking. It is mine for the making. As is the NOW that I live. Have a safe and cool summer. BE WELL!
Namaste and abundant, abundant blessings!